It seems that children tend to reach the age of truly disagreeing between years 3 and 4… It is important for them to learn that it is o.k. to disagree, but that there is a respectful way to do it. This requires an open mind on your part as the parent, to allow your children to state their own points of view when they differ from your own. However, I think the investment is worth the effort!
I’m working on helping my nearly 4-year-old child learn how to disagree respectfully. Though there a million things pulling me in every which direction, I’m working on teaching myself to give him my full attention so that he knows I respect him, what he thinks, and what he has to say. Yes, he’s only 4, but this is a crucial time when he’s learning how to treat others. Jumping up and down, yelling, and using mean words or tones of voice will not get my undivided attention, but talking with me in a calm “indoor” voice will.
I am trying to remember to validate his opinion (the fact that he has one), even if I disagree, because I want him to think for himself. He is expected to be able to explain his position, and if it seems reasonable, I may change my mind. Sometimes there are things that he knows that I don’t, or aspects of an issue that I haven’t considered. Of course, some things are non-negotiable, like hand washing before eating, or choosing mint chocolate chip ice cream over strawberry sherbet.
Love & Logic offers some great techniques on this too. And you have the most important part down – that it is how YOU react that will have the most profound impact on coaching your child.