Learning How to Disagree

It seems that children tend to reach the age of truly disagreeing between years 3 and 4… It is important for them to learn that it is o.k. to disagree, but that there is a respectful way to do it. This requires an open mind on your part as the parent, to allow your children to state their own points of view when they differ from your own. However, I think the investment is worth the effort!

I’m working on helping my nearly 4-year-old child learn how to disagree respectfully. Though there a million things pulling me in every which direction, I’m working on teaching myself to give him my full attention so that he knows I respect him, what he thinks, and what he has to say. Yes, he’s only 4, but this is a crucial time when he’s learning how to treat others. Jumping up and down, yelling, and using mean words or tones of voice will not get my undivided attention, but talking with me in a calm “indoor” voice will.

I am trying to remember to validate his opinion (the fact that he has one), even if I disagree, because I want him to think for himself. He is expected to be able to explain his position, and if it seems reasonable, I may change my mind. Sometimes there are things that he knows that I don’t, or aspects of an issue that I haven’t considered. Of course, some things are non-negotiable, like hand washing before eating, or choosing mint chocolate chip ice cream over strawberry sherbet.

Home-made cards from your kids

If your kiddo is big enough to wield a crayon, he/she is big enough to make home-made cards to send to loved ones! I found a pack of blank cards & envelopes at Hobby Lobby in the stamp aisle. The pack was originally $5.99 but I had my trusty 40% off coupon, so we got quite a steal on 50 blank cards & envelopes!

Whenever we have a need to send a thank-you note or card from our kiddos, I whip out these blank notes, and let them go to town using whatever they want to design the card — crayons, washable markers, stickers, stamps, paper/scissors/glue stick, etc. No two cards are the same! They design the outside, and I write the message on the inside.

The recipients just love these cards, and I love the fact that my kids have fun making them and they’re SO much more affordable than the personalized note cards I used to order for them. 

Thank-you notes

In today’s age of email, Blackberries, cell phones, and the like, the power of a hand-written note is not to be underestimated. It is never too early to teach your children the importance of saying thank-you in a heart-felt manner!

For the really, really little ones, tracing or stamping their hands (or feet) onto the note card (or piece of paper) can mean so much to the recipient! Just think of the warmth this will give your child’s far-away family.

As your child is able to hold a crayon or play with stickers, encourage him/her to “write” a thank-you note, and you can add the message afterwards.

Let your child dictate the message to you, or help you come up with what to say. Your little one can even trace over your letters or sign his/her name!

Before you know it, your child will be reminding YOU that he/she wants to write a thank-you note. You’ll be amazed at the graciousness that will grow within your child — all with this early foundation of saying “thank you” the old-fashioned way.

Asking nicely

Young children, by nature, are very self-centered. Their world is all about “me.” This is obvious as they move through the “me,” “mine,” and “I want!” stages. Help your child to learn how to more politely interact by mirroring back what you would like your child to say. It is amazing how much this can make a difference!

It is important for your child to understand what your family’s expectations are for treating other people, including how he/she treats you, the adult. As young as possible, when your child points at what he/she wants, repeat back, in a pleasant voice, “Mom, may I please have that?”  You may think your child is too young to understand, but, believe me, this works wonders.

When your child reaches the, “I want that!” stage, continue repeating back the phrase. You know your child best, so I can’t tell you the exact age at which to expect your child to repeat you, but for us it started in the late 2′s.

Now, at 3.5 years, when my son says, “I want,” I repeat back, in a nice voice, “May I please…” He immediately rephrases his demand to a request, and says, “Mom/Dad, may I please…”

It is amazing what a difference this makes in our household. Our children are learning manners, and it is so much nicer to respond to a request than a demand!